And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell
dang girl are you my appendix because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out
That is quite possibly the weirdest and most carefully thought out pickup line I’ve ever read. I applaud you.
— (via serajulia)
- you guys are allowed to send me messages
- you’re allowed to just say hi
- feel free to just tell me about your day as if we’ve been best friends since forever
- you’re all good to ask anything you want to know
- don’t be afraid to be off anon
- you can talk to me
- i like talking to you guys
- i dont bite